I get a lift from those cute little quizzes on the web. You know the ones that I mean, that ask you several questions to see what your personality type is or who your ideal mate is. I figure, combine two of my interests and ask you...
Which Pool Bond Are You?
Q: Oh, no, not another dumb Internet quiz?
A: No, this is an elegant psychological assessment that demonstrates which characteristics of James Bond 007 and top pool hustlers and pool pros you combine into one superhero for the ages.
Q: Why do I need it then?
A: Because of your natural Walter Mitty-ish, reticent personality. We need to not just play pool, we need to have a license to kill when we play pool.
Q: What does it mean to say “Which Bond am I?”
A: Let’s stick to the movie 007s for now. If you slap (playfully?) barmaids at the pool hall who ask for a drink order, you are Bond 1.0, Sean Connery. If you enter a pool hall, play no one but punch everyone out before leaving, never to return, you are George Lazenby.
If you smoke enough cigars at the poolroom to choke Winston Churchill, George Burns and Groucho Marx, you are ala Sir Roger Moore, noted bon vivant and cigar and wine enthusiast in and out of the James Bond epics. If you are vastly troubled by complex racks of 9-Ball, and generally misunderstood due to your contemplative, brooding nature, you are Timothy Dalton. Like to copy a little of the other five styles plus a dash of your unique verve? You are Pierce Brosnan.
And if you can’t leave a pool hall without being covered utterly in chalk dust and talcum powder, and all those you love inside now dead or dying, you-may-just-be... Daniel Craig.
Q: Will this quiz be out of date 20 minutes after the next Bond movie is premiered?
A: Yes, of course.
